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Thursday, June 05, 2008

No wonder he doesn't bring flowers anymore... 


Lately, there's been a buzz about Neil Diamond's latest album, and how it may possibly present a
harbinger of Neil's conversion to Christianity.
That brought to mind the entire corpus of Neil's career...and the question of how most guys who would
curl up in a fetal position at the mention of Michael Bolton or Harry Connick Jr. don't seem to mind
ol' Neil too much.
The answer is simple...even when Neil was at his wimpiest, he let you know up front he was a MAN,
thank you very much. His rough baritone carried with it a swagger that said, "Not only do I aim to
love ya and leave ya, sweetie, but I plan to raid your wine cellar and deflower your sister as an apertif."
For example, let us deconstruct a song that possibly represents one of the lowest points in Diamond's
legendary career, even worse than that execrable "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" concept album in '74,
the duet with Barbra (Gee I thought you were leaving the country because of Bush) Streisand, "You
Don't Bring Me Flowers". Theoretically a poignant song about the death of a relationship, Neil still
manages to squeeze in a taste of testosterone with every line he sings.

(It is suggested here that one go to one of those peer-to-peer mp3 download sites and procure a copy
of the tune to aid with understanding).

Lyrics as follows...
BABS:
You dont bring me flowers
You dont sing me love songs

NEIL:
You hardly talk to me anymore
When I come thru the door
At the end of the day
(Translation: Bitch, bitch, bitch! You're whining about flowers
and songs. What do you think it is that I DO for a living?
Gee, let me see...sing love songs...
I come in and want a little rest, and all I ask is a simple
acknowledgement of my arrival like "O master and commander,
here is your meal freshly cooked. I'm Babs and I'll be serving you
tonight." Is THAT too much to ask?)

BABS:
I remember when
You couldnt wait to love me
Used to hate to leave me
Now after lovin me late at night

NEIL: (one can almost hear his upper lip curl with this line)
When its good for you
And youre feelin alright
(Translation: What the HELL is YOUR problem? You got a little hint of why they call me "Diamond", hon,
think of the many women who haven't known this pleasure.)


BABS:
Well you just roll over
And turn out the light
And you dont bring me flowers anymore.

Second verse...and Neil spills HIS guts now...


NEIL:
It used to be so natural
To talk about forever
(And then I got a clue what a co-dependent bimbo I ended up with...)

But used to bes dont count anymore
They just lay on the floor
til we sweep them away
(Speaking of sweeping, hon, there are dust bunnies here of dimensions
bigger than Jimmy Stewart could imagine...)

BABS:
And baby, I remember
All the things you taught me

NEIL:
I learned how to laugh
And I learned how to cry
(And I learned both the first time I saw you in real life and realized the
picture of Jessica Alba on your profile at eharmonious.con
bore NO FREAKIN' RESEMBLANCE to you at all!)

BABS:
Well I leared how to love
Even learned how to lie
(Neil to Babs: Don't blame me, I obviously didn't teach you the
"lying" part...see under: Profile, "eharmonious")



NEIL:
Youd think I could learn
How to tell you goodbye
(Because I'm obviously WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY behind the curve here...)

cause you dont bring me flowers anymore

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# posted by actionsub : 11:27 PM
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